Rude People and Muddy Puddles
by DeeDeePicklez
Summary: He's touched by her words; even though they're slurred and slow. If she were sober she would come up with some elaborate metaphor to describe how she felt, but he still gets it. It just hurts and no amount of fancy Rachel Berry words will make it any different.


His phone wakes him up at 2:30 am.

He always used to leave his phone on silent while he slept. Rachel loved to wake him up in the middle of the night with her latest glee club idea or call him at the crack of dawn to watch the sunrise together; he learned the only way to avoid her offensively early requests was to silence them completely. That's not really something he needs to worry about anymore. No one calls him much. His mom mostly, Kurt every so often, Puck of he's lucky.  
"Fiiiiin!" she calls out as though she's getting his attention from across the room.  
"Hello? Rachel? Rach... Rachel!" he shouts, she's started talking to someone else, apparently forgetting she called him  
"No no, s'okay. M'just gonna sit here and talk to my Finn. My Finn Hudsonnnn- oh, Finn! Hi! Yes, I'm still here. Hi, Finn, hiiiiii"  
"Rachel." he says knowingly, "Are you drunk?"  
"Nope, no of course not, no. I only haddd… mm- shh-" She sounds like she does when concentrating on something really hard and suddenly he hears a crack,  
"Rachel?"  
"Whoops! Sorry! I dropped my phone! Anyways... what was I talking about?"  
He smirks into his phone, "How you're not drunk."  
"Oh right right. And m'not. I am not drunk. 6 shots and 2 beers does not equals drunk."  
He laughs, "It does for you, Rach."  
"Whatever, Finn Hudson! Not all of us can be big,big giant giants like you! That can drink whatever drinks they wanna and not -hiccup- get drunk!"  
He snorts at that, "A big, big, giant, giant, huh?"

"Yes, Finn! That's you! And don't make fun of me! I can hear you, I know when you're making fun of me Finn Hudson and I don't- ooooh a penny!"

"Is it heads up?" he asks, unable to stop smiling at her drunken behavior

"Ummmm" she cranes her neck to get a closer look, "Yes! S'my lucky day, Finn! See a penny pick it up, all day long you'll have good luck…" she mumbles "Like in Grease, Finn! Remember?"

"I remember." He says with affection "I had chills… and they were multiplying." He teases

It makes her laugh madly, but she has an excuse because everything is hilarious when you're wasted. He doesn't, her happiness is just contagious, like it's always been. The thought quickly sobers him. Realizing how comfortable this is, how unchanged this part of them may always be, how familiar it is and how right it feels. It's too easy to fall back into this with her; and too hard to allow himself this.  
His tone changes to a serious one, putting his armor back up. "Rachel, are you okay? Where are you? Who are you with?" he questions  
"I'm with, Jenna. She is my roommate and she has red hair." She explains matter-of-factly, "She's making out with a boy, Finn, so I am sitting on the curb. There's a puddle very close to my feet, and I don't want that dirty water getting my shoes muddy, Finn, I don't. I do not."  
"So don't put your feet in it."  
"M'kay, Finn. I won't. Do you know what today is Finn?"  
He rubs the remaining sleep from his eyes, "Uhh, November 5th I think?"  
"Exactly!" she cheers "That is perfectly right, Finn!"  
His armor starts to break again, she sounds so genuinely proud of him for knowing the date that he has to smile, "Thanks, Rach. Maybe you should-"  
He's about to tell her to go find her roommate when she interrupts, "It's November 5th and that means that one year ago today weee….." she drags out the word, building up the suspense in her dramatic way.  
He remembers a second before she says it, and his breath catches in his throat  
"-had sex!" she finishes  
"I was just yesterday looking through this box of stuff I took from Lima, Finn, and I saw the program from West Side Story!" she squeals, clutching her phone to her ear tightly, "I saw the date on the front, and then I realized, November 5th is like…tomorrow! Well it was tomorrow yesterday- but it's today now! Isn't that crazy Finn, just yesterday I saw it! Of all days to look at that program! Isn't it crazy?"  
He clears his throat, not trusting his voice, "Yeah, s'crazy." he whispers  
"Remember when I didn't want to have sex Finn?" she asks offhand, so casual he thinks he's misheard her

"What?"

"When I wanted to wait til' I was 25… Why did I want to do that?"  
"You were waiting for the right person." He reasons  
"But, Finn, sex is so _good_." She gushes.  
For a moment, his stomach drops. What if she's sleeping with someone else? What if she's been with someone other than him? The thought alone makes his heart pound painfully in his chest, but then she says,  
"Sex with _you_ is good, Finn. i'so good." That _is_ true.

"Finn, do you know what horny means?"  
He chokes on the air, sitting up in bed baffled and coughing.  
"wh- what?" he croaks  
She continues, oblivious to his stunned fit of hacking "I told my roommate that I missed you and she said it was because I'm horny. But horny is such a crass word don't you think?"  
The line was silent except for Finn's loud breathing  
"Finn? Fiiiiiin!"  
He tries to regain control of himself, he's never heard her say that word before, "I'm- I'm here."  
"Oh ok! Hi! Anyways... what was I talking about?"  
He blanches again, "uhh, umm the word- the word horny..."  
"Oh yeah! I think it's just such a _foul_ word, right? Don't you think, Finn?" She presses without waiting for an answer, "Like if I was just _horny,_ I would have sex with any penis in New York, right?"  
He snorts, a mixture of shock, amusement, and his own need for her bubbling to the surface.

"But I don't want to have sex with any penis," she continues sadly, "I want to have sex with you… Remember November 5th, Finn?"  
He gulps painfully.  
"And remember Christmas…when you snuck over to my house after Kurt finally fell asleep? And remember Chicago, Finn?" Her voice has this kind of dreamy quality to it and he feels like he is floating on the words with her, reliving the same moments, relishing in the same memories.  
"Yeah." he chokes out, "I remember."  
She takes a deep breath, "Finn Christopher Hudson." she sighs  
"Rachel Barbara Berry." he retorts  
"Where are you, Finn?"  
"In my bed." he answers in the same vague way he always does when she asks this.

He knows she hates it, and it seems like every time they talk (which is not very often) it's the turning point of the conversation. Where she forgets to be polite and he abandons his detached tone and they both get angry. But its better this way, he reminds himself.  
"Where?" she pushes, like always  
"In my room."  
"But where, Finn? _Where_?" she whines  
"Rachel." he says in a warning tone.  
"Ok, ok! Bad Rachel!" she chides and he can picture her reprimanding herself, her lips pouted and her eyes scrunched, and he feels that dull ache in his chest that he gets more and more these days.  
"Finn?"  
"Yeah?"  
"You know how Kurt told you I was doing great, and I had all these new friends and- and all these auditions. That I love the city and it's everything I ever dreamed of?"  
"Mmhm"  
She hesitates for a moment, biting her lip, "He lied ... Well I lied. I told him to say that."  
He frowns, his eyebrows knitting together, "You're not happy, Rach?"  
She shakes her head, even though he's not there to see it, "Sometimes I'm happy, Finn. Like, when I got that part in the fall production of _Les Mis_…and when I saw Santana last week. But mostly I'm sad, Finn. Mostly I miss you." She whispers, and he can hear the tears in her throat.  
"I miss you all the time, Finn. Cause everyday is November 5th."  
"What?"  
"It's like- it's like everyday is like today. Everyday means _something_... And everything that means anything, every _something-_ is all wrapped up in you." She murmurs sincerely, "Does that make sense Finn?"  
He purses his lips, shaking his head slightly. This is so unhealthy, so incredibly stupid and it makes everything _so_ much worse. But she's drunk and she won't remember any of this in the morning, so he decides to indulge for the both of them just this once.  
"It makes sense, Rachel. It does." He agrees, "It's like the other day… I really wanted ice cream, so I went to the store and the first thing I saw was the cookie dough kind, and that's your favorite. And it made remember the first time we ever had ice cream together, on our second date. And you kissed me when I remembered it was your favorite and it just- I didn't want ice cream anymore then ... so I just went home."  
"It was our third date." she interjects softly, "I had cookie dough and you had rocky road."  
Leave it to Rachel Berry to correct him even when she's plastered, "Yeah." he granted "You're right."  
He can hear her sniffle and he knows she's started to cry. This is why he usually avoids this.  
"Rachel-"  
"You broke your promise, Finn." She whimpers "You broke so many!"

"Ra-"

"You broke all your promisesssss!" she sings out and he has to move the phone from his ear to lower the piercing volume  
"You remember that Finn? When I sang that song at the prom? Not the last prom, the prom before that prom. With you and Quinn and her perfect blue dress to match her perfect blue eyes and your blue tie to match ... or was it a bow tie? I don't know, but I sang that song remember? Who do you think you areeeee, runnin round leaving scaaaars!" she belted out. He imagines her with her eyes closed, her hand clutched to her chest  
"You shut up!" she shrieks  
"What a rude man! Finn, a man just told me to _shut up_! New York is just filled with rude people, Finn! Rude people and muddy puddles and no Finn Hudson! Anyways, what was I talking about again?"  
He shakes his head, "Prom."  
"Oh right! You had perfect blue dress Quinn but then… then we had the best prom didn't we Finn? Quinn's dress was perfectly blue to match her eyes but our prom was _perfect_." she sighs wistfully, only to huff again  
"Enough about prom, Finn! You broke all your promises!"  
"I-"  
"You promised to come to New York with me Finn. Over and over again. When you proposed, and when you decided you wanted to go to Pace, you promised!" She's getting hysterical now and it's making everything so much worse, because it's his fault and because he's not there to rub her back or tell her everything will be ok, he used to promise her that all the time- god he really did break all his promises.  
He rubs his hand over his face, "I know, I know. I'm sorry."  
"And you said Finn, that day at the lake last summer. When I asked how you knew it would all work out, you said-" she has to stop to take a breath, coughing and sniffling all at once. She lets out a loud breath that comes straight from her chest, it sounds like it physically hurts her to breathe in and out. He can't take this. "You said we'd be together forever. Why did you lie, Finn? Why did you break all your promises?"  
"Rach- I don't know, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry baby." he cries desperately  
"Baby." she whispers so low he almost misses it. "I miss that." Her voice sounds so tiny and broken  
"Me too."  
"Sometimes the best memories are the hardest don't you think?" she asks abruptly, and he feels like he is going to get whiplash from this conversation.  
"What do you mean?"  
"Like when I want to be mad at you I just think of how you slept with Santana and I want to kick you!"  
Ouch. She's not usually this blunt, must be the booze talking he tells himself.  
"Or I think about junior year when you were dating Quinn and I could just-" she makes some kind of weird grunting growl, clenching her fists in the air, "Or about how you ended things, making me get on that train, pushing me away. That all just makes me angry when I think about it, but the other stuff- the good stuff… it makes my heart hurt." she sighs

He's touched by her words; even though they're slurred and slow. If she were sober she would come up with some elaborate metaphor to describe how she felt, but he still gets it. It just _hurts_ and no amount of fancy Rachel Berry words will make it any different.  
She continues, her voice wistful "Like when you told me you loved me, the look on your face."  
He doesn't know what to say.  
"Or your mom's wedding. We were so happy that day." her voice breaks, and she doesn't try to cover it up like she usually does, "And Christmas this year, when you gave me that stupid pig." she laughs through her tears and he tries to do the same  
"And finally winning nationals," she pauses for a moment, "singing together one last time."  
This is too much. Does she think he doesn't remember these things? That she needs to remind him in this morbid, cruel way? Does she think that he doesn't torture himself this way all on his own?  
"Rachel don't do this."  
"Ok." she sniffles and wipes her eyes hastily "Ugh! No I do not want to go home with you, you troll!" she shrieks  
"Did you just call someone a troll?" he laughs  
"I'm telling you Finn! New York is filled with the rudest people! I'm just sitting on the curb, Finn! I swear! New York is just filled with rude people. Rude people and-"  
"Muddy puddles." he finishes for her, which makes her smile "And no Finn Hudson" he whispers. He closes his eyes, the movement forcing stray tears down his cheeks.  
"No Finn Hudson." she repeats  
"Did you know Finn?" she asks quietly, "When you gave me that star, did you know?"  
"Know what?"  
"That you were going to leave me alone... that you wouldn't come to new York?"  
"No-"  
"Because you named the star after you, Finn." She accuses, her voice getting louder, "And you said no matter where you are you'd be watching over me and- and I thought it was sweet then, I thought it was the sweetest thing ever and I could tell that you took time to come up with everything you wanted to say, because I know how you do that, Finn. When something is really important you make sure to map the whole thing out and it was just…it was so perfect but- but you said no matter where you were you would be looking down on me and now- now I don't even know where you are!" she shouts through the phone and up at the sky, "How did you know Finn? How did you know you'd need to be looking down on me from the sky from some stupid star, instead of here with me, in New York?"  
He is speechless, he doesn't even know how to begin to defend himself but he can't just let her think that this whole thing was some elaborate plan he had the entire time they were dating, "I didn't know Rachel" he blurts

"I mean- I guess back then, at Christmas, somewhere in the back of my mind I knew there was a possibility we wouldn't be together forever but I wanted to be, and I didn't know Rachel. I promise." He's crying again, because this is so damn frustrating and it's already hard enough without her conspiracy theories. Their present is already so painful; he really doesn't want to go tarnishing the past too.  
"Finn, d'you know what the word pathetic means?" he flinches, is she about to call him pathetic?  
"Yeah..." he says, his voice hesitant

"Well that is me, Finn. I am pathetic. Pathetic is Me."  
He shakes his head in the dark, "You're not."  
"Yes I am. Pathetic is having everything you ever wanted and instead if enjoying it, you spend your time pining over someone who doesn't want you anymore. And that Finn Hudson is me. Pathetic." She says with a sigh  
He couldn't stop it from coming out if he tried, "I want you, Rach."  
"You do?" She whispers, her voice little and full of hope  
"Of course I do. And you're not pathetic."  
"Finn?"  
"Yes?"  
"I'm drunk."  
"I know."  
"Finn?"  
"Yes?"  
"There's a puddle next to me. I really don't want the dirty water to get on my shoes."  
"I know."  
"Finn?"  
"Yes?"  
"I love you."  
"I know."  
"Do you love me?"  
"I-"  
"What?" she yells "No! I don't wanna go home yet Jenn! I'm talking to Finn! No not John! Who's John? F-i-n-n! No don't leave me here, there's puddles! Ok I'm coming!"  
"I gotta go, Finn. Bye!"

It's when he hears the phone click that he knows he can finally say it,  
"I love you too."

Let me know what you think!


End file.
